Maybe it was the 10 inches of snow when Spring was to officially start or maybe it was the dream, but it was a day of gloom for me.
Today I was reading an article regarding getting over another person. It won't lie, it's been tough for me. I don't know why I can't seem to get past this thing on my own, but there were some pointers that I've decided to apply.
One of the suggestions was to remove that person from their pedestal. Now, I never once believed Holly to be perfect, however, it does seem like a good idea to jot down things that bothered me.
Here we go:
1) Her separation anxiety. I knew it would eventually come back to bite her in the ass, but it bit me harder. I hated that she was incapable of cutting bad people out of her life.
2) Crippling insecurity. Calling me a flirt and that whole thing with Emily was not because of anything I had done wrong. She was always worried there would someone younger and prettier.
3) Abandonment issues. I saw this one all along. I accepted that issue, but it was still there and only amplified our problems.
4) Worried too much about what others thought. It always bugged me that she was always so interested about what others thought regarding various issues and events. She needed approval.
5) Self-Absorbed. Maybe she wasn't always this way, but she focused too much on her own feelings and life view instead of how I might see things too.
6) Never apologized. She sucked at this. She rarely admitted she was wrong.
7) She made me feel unimportant. I was always a side project in her life and not the focus. She always insisted that I was, but that falls back to reason #5.
8) She couldn't tell the honest truth. She was always afraid of losing people, so she couldn't answer questions directly with the honest truth. Her explanations and reasons to me were always morphing and changing which made me skeptical regarding anything she said.
9) Bad friends. She has some pretty broken friends. Some sounded really nice, but some were seriously broken people. Birds of a feather. It always bothered me since I didn't understand why she would want these people around her. See reason #1.
10) Baggage. She took her experiences from past relationships and brought them into ours which wasn't fair to me. Her experiences with Eric apparently made her the expert in matters of money, child support and relationships. I resented that.
I'm sure she could generate a whole list of problems with me too and that's fine. I accept my flaws. The difference between us was that I wasn't too consumed in my own pain to not want to work on these issues.
I should have listened to Dave, Tracee, Betty, Brian, Dad, Angela and ironically enough Helen that Holly was bad news for me.
But yet this all hurts...it hurts bad.
