What a paramount shift.

These past couple weeks have been a whirlwind of events. I honestly didn't know life could change so much in such a small period of time.

A couple weeks ago, I met up with Holly again. It was really nice to be around her, but after a couple meetings, I realized that its just not the same with her. Something feels wrong and I don't dare give my heart to her again.
Not long ago, she expressed that she wanted to try again and I was a bit dumbfounded. What changed on her side that would make her want me now?
Well, it doesn't matter. I sent her an email this morning saying that I wanted to be friends and nothing more. If she doesn't want that, I wouldn't blame her.

I've been seeing a girl named Danielle. She's really great. There's some things that I'm closely watching about her, but she's very kind and mild. I like her.
So I'm gonna explore this while thing with her and see where it goes.

Work has been going well. I just finished training a new guy that will be my boss. He's a cool guy and I'm happy since we got along great when I was in Colorado.
It'll be good for my performance reviews later. :)

I want a vacation though.

Would you call my name out loud?

Shortly after writing my last entry, I got a text from Holly. Earlier in the week we had made very tentative plans to meet for a cup of coffee. Quite honestly, I didn't think it would happen at all. But to my surprise, she came through.
We both carpooled together and went to go look at some condos up near where I live. At first, it was really hard. I haven't seen her in close to three months, so there was a flood of thoughts going through my head at just about every given moment. Within about twenty minutes though, we were back in our groove. I really missed her. Despite all that has happened, it was apparent that we both still have residual feelings that have survived the carnage.
We had some good conversation at the coffee shop and then we went back to my place and killed an hour talking.
We talked a bit about our lives and how she had been seeing this guy Kevin, but there was zero attraction. I thought that would stab me in the gut, but it didn't. I knew she was probably dating someone as I have been, so I couldn't be upset.
As we were talking, she was really unloading about how unhappy of a winter she had. I don't know how much of that was relating to me, but I know she's lost a few friends and the doctors appointments relating to her child bearing years coming to a close. It was strange, I think that was the first time I've seen her cry.
We did talk a lot about us. She brought up age again. I think she's beginning to feel older than ever now.
I'm just gonna take this slow now. I don't know where it's going, but my head is in a better place to handle this series of events.

Blindsided on an idle Sunday morning

Another weekend coming to a close and I'm feeling a bit lost. I don't know why this door is left open, but it makes me hurt and I'm getting weary over it.
Maybe I need to cut her out completely, but she has this way of blindsiding me on random days and it just ruins my mood.
I wish I was a bit stronger, but I'm tired of being strong. I'm tired of resisting the ghosts that live in my life.
I just want to be loved and happy and something deep in my being aches for it to be her, but it kills me in the process.
I have a girl that I'm seeing, Danielle.
She's really great. She's kind, mature, gentle and a dreamer. She's young and beautiful too.

Why do I still secretly crave Holly?

I'm better than this, but I don't know why I can't seem to move on.
I'm tired.
I'm just gonna go to Denver for awhile and clear my head.