I'm so tired of this...

Yesterday was a bad day. My father was there in the car when I got a phone call from an employer explaining why I got passed up for another job. I lost it to yet another programmer. This job market is just stupid.
I know its my lack formal training that is destroying my prospects. I'll be honest, it leaves me a little angry knowing that. I can read, write and speak, so I don't understand the problem...
But I still find myself wondering what I want to be. I feel like I am running out of time on my youth and that I should be settling down and get comfortable with what and where I want to be.
I hope my children don't have the same problem. Is it a lack of direction in my childhood? I don't know...

I need a job.

Thoughts for the day

I think I've come to learn that I'm a person with a lot of fear inside of me. Its funny, I find I'm afraid of myself.
I fear my real feelings and it makes it very difficult to express myself to everyone. It has become very obvious and has made itself manifest in my professional interviews, which is crazy.

I need to figure out how to live my life the way that I want to. It feels like I have the answers inside of me, but I won't let them out. How did I become this way?
If it took 10 years to become this way, will it take equally long to undo it? I hope not.

This was way deeper than intended, but that's what is on my mind.

I miss the kiddos like crazy.

You gotta do what you gotta do.

As you may have read in my last blog, I had a huge decision to make. Due to financial reasons and also personal reasons, I reluctantly came to the decision that I needed to move to Denver.
What a long drive.
So here I am in a brand new place, only knowing my Dad and starting to reforge a new life.
I'm doing better than I ever thought I would, but I miss my kids dearly. I knew it was a price that I would pay, but it still isn't easy for me.
I wonder how they are coping with me not being there every day. I want them to know me as a Dad, but not like this. I need stability first. A stability that was hard to find when I was in Maine.

I've made some new friends and they seem to be people of character, which I respect.
There's lots to do and plenty of job opportunities, so I hope something presents itself soon. But I'm saving a buttload of money and I'll be forever grateful to my dad for bailing me out in this crappy time of my life.

Everything in my life has changed once again and I'm trying hard to find that balance where I can be happy, but still be with my kids. I hope I can have both.