"just a thought" Grrrr...

Today is a very upsetting day for me and it makes me want to scream. Everything was going fine until Gretchen e-mailed me with the subject "just a thought".

Who ever thought that "just a thought" could do such damage to my day.
In two days, I fly out to Maine. While I greatly look forward to seeing my children, I also have to attend a court hearing about getting my child support adjusted. Honestly, I wanted to work this out between Gretchen and I, but when I told her I couldn't afford to pay the $1,500, she said that if I wanted to get it changed I would have to go through the courts. And so I have.

I don't know if Gretchen realizes this, but I've only done the absolute best I can to take care of the family with one paycheck. I've given her almost everything I've got and haven't whined about it until it was absolutely necessary. But in a few days, I'm going to get my payments reduced in response to her completely dismissing my suggestions to get a full-time job. I know she'd like to be a stay-at-home mom, I get it. When I was making a lot more, I wanted to accommodate her. But I can't do that on my present salary and be able to take care of myself at all. I remember one month of living on $60.

Having her tell me to go to the courts was insulting and I was angry. This was so stupid. I don't know if she was trying to call my bluff or what, but I wasn't bluffing.
With me heading to Maine in two days, I got my "just a thought" e-mail:

 

I was speechless. I was angry.

My ex is suggesting I take a job in Canada. Not because it would bring me closer to the kids, but because I would be making more money. WHAT?!

I think she feels that if I made more money, she could count on my good graces that I would continue to overpay my child support to cater to her preferred lifestyle of being the stay-at-home mom.

How has she become so selfish and delusional? I've been thinking about it all afternoon to try and find a logical reason for all of this. Maybe she has a perspective I don't? 

I asked a coworker and she couldn't see any other reason besides money.

The nearest I can figure, Gretchen is scared. She is scared that her life is going to change and is looking to me to make it okay. She's a smart girl and I don't understand why she hasn't been listening to me. I hope she is able to take care of the kids...