Toward the end of August, I flew out to Maine to see the kids again. It was so good to see them. Brighton is really growing up quickly and developing into his own little person.
He seems to have the same gifts for language that I do and makes me curious as to whether Elise or Amelia will have it too. Didn't realize it would be a genetic thing, but all the boys in the Halverson family have it.
I had a chance to meet Holly in person and we really hit it off well. She was good company and there was an immediate attraction on both our parts. She joined the kids and I as we went to the nature preserve in Gray and she did really well. She does have "Step Mom" material about her.
Not too long ago, Ian reached out to me expressing his discontent with being in Maine. He was getting a lot of flack from "friends" like Matt Leggett and he wanted to get away from it all. I understood and later told him that there was a position opening up here in Colorado with the job that I am working.
He applied and was offered the job, immediately accepted and bought a ticket to fly out.
About 2 weeks before Ian flew out, communication suddenly dropped off.
I had left numerous voicemails with no response, so I decided to drop Ian an e-mail. No reply.
I was beginning to think that Ian had died or something, but then I finally got an e-mail from Ian:
"Hey Nate
Sorry I have been getting back to you, its been rather crazy over here getting things organized. There have been some developments that have happened over here, and I need to tell you about them. I guess I will just come right out and say it, I am not going to be moving to Colorado. I'm going to be sending an email to both Betty and the lady I spoke to from Chicago explaining that I appreciate the job offer, but because of circumstances I cannot move to Colorado and thus have to turn the job down.
Let me explain why. Nate, I want to serve Jehovah, and I cant do it there. I was so desperate for a win, I convinced myself that I could do it on my own. But I was wrong. You have always had alot of pull with me, and you influence me very easy. If I moved there, and my only support system would be you and Gary, I would be dead spiritually in months. You have a very negative opinion of the organization, one I dont share, but at the same time I could see it affecting me in time. I was moving for the wrongs reasons to begin with. I wanted to run away from the things that were hurting me, and running away wont make it better. I have decided to make a stand and face head on the things causing me grief. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for really pushing for me to get the job, it just sucks that I cannot accept it. You've been there for me, for years, when others ignore me. I wont forget that. We've stuck together through some serious crap, and you have always made the effort to guide me in the right direction. Now though, I am sorry Nate but I cant follow you. You have turned away from Jehovah, something I dont want for myself. I dont hate you for this, or have any bitter feelings at all. But you are wrong Nate. Blaming Jehovah and the organization for the actions of a few is crazy. That would be like holding our entire family accountible for the actions of Truna. It makes no sense. Now you are surrounding yourself with people who are feeding into and encouraging these negative attitudes, and its turning you into a different person. Don't say it isnt. I can confidently say I know you better than almost any other person in this entire planet. I know how you think, and I can predict your actions. You are changing Nate, and not for the better. You are becoming bitter, selfish, and scornful towards people who actually love you. Mom loves you, Josh loves you, and I love you. This is so difficult for me to write this, and I had to write this because I would lose my nerve talking to you on the phone. I have to break contact with you Nate. Not because someone told me to, but because you have a lot of influence over me. That, and I need to show Jehovah that my loyalty is towards him. The bible is pretty clear, without any misinterpretation, in regards to this matter. I dont know who told you that the organization has said that even in emergencies Jehovah's people wont have contact with disfellowshipped family memebrs, but its rubbish. I did my research, and its not true. I want you to contact me if something bad happens, I am your family. NOTHING will change that. You are my brother and I love you, more so than most people in this world. But at the same time, you have made a very bad choice, and worse you are surrounding yourself with bitter resentful people who are filling you with bitterness towards the organization. Those people are poison to you Nate. Do you remember how mad you were when Brian told you at the convention that he wasnt going to be one of Jehovahs people anymore? You came to Obi's house to tell me, and you were so angry that you were borderline crying. You didnt cut off contact with Brian, and look what happened. Look where you are now. Can you truly tell me that you are happy?
Nate please dont try to call me and change my mind, I have made my choice. I thank you for everything you have done, but our paths now go in two different directions. Please, I beg you, think about what you are doing. REALLY THINK. Do you really believe that everything that Jehovah has promised will not come to pass? I dont want to lose my brother. Please, just think about it.
I love you brother
Ian"
This e-mail blew my mind. I don't know who was talking with Ian, but somebody had convinced him that he was making a HUGE mistake being around me. Honestly, this was really hurtful.
People don't know me at all anymore, but yet somehow I'm still painted in this bad light. What did I do? Ian wanted a job, I gave him one. Ian wanted to get outta Maine, I offered him my home as a place to stay.
The e-mail was especially a slap in the face when he turned around began to scold me for my life choices and that I was out to corrupt him. What nonsense!
I only offered to give him a fresh start and he could make his own decisions. If he wanted to go to meetings, I even offered to give him a ride.
The truth though is that somebody told him I would ruin his faith.
Kids, if you are reading this...I need you to understand what I learned from my whole experience being one of Jehovah's Witnesses: Everyone has the right to decide what is right for them in their lives.
If you decide to stay one of Jehovah's Witnesses. That is fine.
If you decide to stay one of Jehovah's Witnesses. That is fine.
If you decide that do something else with your life. That's fine too.
Either way, you are my babies and I will love you unconditionally either way.
This e-mail, as much of an appeal it is for me to return to the Organization, it's a terrible way to win anyone back:
"We love you, but you need to do something in order for us to express our love..." doesn't inspire me at all. Instead, it gives me further resolve to reject a line of thinking that I don't share anymore.
I may never speak with my mother or sisters again. I chose to leave the Organization, yes. But I never chose to abandon my relationship with them. As you can see with Ian, he and everyone else severed that connection and there's nothing I can do about that.
My biggest fear in life in that I'll lose each of you kids in the same way...
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