How about them apples?

Last night I spent the rainy night indoors.
I decided to watch a movie on Netflix and saw that "Good Will Hunting" was available. I remember seeing it before and I liked it, so I said "Ehhhh, why not?"

Man, was I in for a wallop. It's been so long since I've seen it that I completely forgot about some of the main elements of the movie and I was really blind sided.

There's a scene where Matt Damon's character Will gets in a fight with Minnie Driver's character Skylar. The fight was about her wanting to move the relationship further along by inviting him to move to California with her. Once he realizes the realism of the situation and how he would have to ante up and get closer to her, it became a threat.
Throughout the movie, there are various subplots and interactions that Will has with various people in his life that showed that he was afraid to make real connections.
During that fight with her, Skylar told him that she loved him.

"All you have to say is that you don't love me and I will move on."

She was begging for an answer. SOMETHING to confirm that what they had was real.
Realizing that he had to do something, and with much reservation and cold anger, he said "I don't love you."
The viewer knows he is lying. At scattered points in the movie, he reveals very subtly that he cares for her deeply, but he is petrified about it.

While I don't have those extremes, is that me? Am I really holding back feelings for fear of rejection? Do I not let people really know me because of the pain I once suffered?

If that wasn't depressing enough, the movie took it a step further.

There's a scene where Robin Williams (Therapist) gets into a verbal argument with the Mathematician that wants Will to "just get better" so that Will could achieve the things he couldn't.
Robin's character fights hard to defend Will's right to choose and that's when this argument erupts.

I had to pause the movie for a moment. Is that me? Am I merely a boy who feels abandoned by the people who were supposed to love me? Maybe I'm more damaged than I am willing to admit. Why does a stupid movie have a ring of truth to it? 

Maybe our own psyche knows the wrong, but with things such as pride, determination and denial, we either don't listen or don't hear it.

I heard something last night.

While I don't see myself as Will Hunting since he was definitely more aggressive and violent, I do recognize the Skylar fight though I've never had it. I do recognize the argument between Sean and Lambeau even though I've never heard it.

Holly, I'm going to send you this blog. It's just something that went through my mind last night.
I'd really like to let you in. Maybe I haven't been lately and it's come across as cold and that I don't care, but that's not true.