Reason, season or a lifet...eeeh shaddup.

...and now it is over. I got an email from Holly yesterday saying that she couldn't pursue a relationship and just wanted to be friends. Oof!

Call me a jerk, but I don't do friends with exes. If there was one thing I learned from her, I don't like someone having 15 guy friends that she may/may not have dated before in the past. So I have the need to cut ties now. I need to salvage a lot of wasted emotion and just vent on my blog.

While I understand that she may feel she isn't ready, I know that her Therapist has been influencing her to decide. I guess I can't blame her, but I now wonder when she'll realize that her problem isn't that she leads with her heart, but that she's so afraid of losing people that she doesn't listen to her own gut. She tends to listen to everyone around her and almost gets tricked into bad situations.

I feel like I tricked her. I don't even now if she ever loved me. Maybe she was in love with the idea of a person who wanted her. That was my problem before and it's come back to bite me again.
Today, I feel like I was betrayed. She got everything she wanted by me being here and now she shrinks away.
I hope she and Jeri are happy together, they sound like a great couple. The good news is that Jeri isn't an abusive alcoholic.

God this place sucks so hard.